Sending meaningful communications using the SMS text message standard is like trying to write the next great American novel with an extremely inky pen on two-ply toilet paper whilst shrouded in the wet darkness of an alley behind a club.

Alright, perhaps my comparison is a tad harsh, but from where I am sitting there is no technological reasoning for having such small character limitations on SMS messages. The magical number of characters permitted per message seems to be a standard one hundred sixty, independent of service provider. Can anyone supply me with a reason why this is the case?

While it is true that longer messages can be simply broken into smaller 160 or less bursts, the recipient then has to wade through a choppy message, often backwards — as a result of people naturally sending the beginning of a message first and then continuing chronologically. The recipient's mobile operating system will display the last message received first, which would be the conclusion of the message.

The one thing this phenomenon does force me to do is come up with more creative ways of sending messages. But there is a caveat: I object to abbreviations. Even in daily life I cannot stand abbreviations of any kind. Emerging methods of technology have unleashed an entirely new realm of abhorrent signifiers on our society and especially those of the IM and SMS generation. So-called "TXT SPK" (text speak) is one way around both the time necessary to input a message into the often clumsy and restricted keypads of mobile telephones and avoid problems with the character limits.

So I suppose until I can get over my objection to abbreviated messaging — an occurrence I can virtually guarantee impossible in this lifetime — I will simply have to make due.

Could you pass me another cocktail napkin to scrawl upon?

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