John Ritter
1948-2003


[ obituary ]

Since it had been nearly a year since my last venture there, this past weekend I drove myself up to the capital city, Tallahassee. The weekend was exactly what I needed to just unwind for a few days and not really think about anything too seriously. Sobriety was also highly overrated. I love hanging out with my friends that rent a house there as they go to various levels of schooling, undergraduate and graduate, at the home of the Seminoles, Florida State University. It may only be a four-hour drive from where I live, but the weekends there away from Orlando can feel like you are on the other side of the world.

In order to help avoid Tropical Storm Henri which was making landfall to the west around the time I was planning on travelling from Orlando to Tallahassee, I decided to take Interstate-95 North to Jacksonville and then catch Interstate-10 West from there. The storm never did drop any rain on me the entire weekend, but regardless, in addition to being more comfortable with this route as a function of having driven it significantly more than the alternative route Interstate-75, it also provided me the opportunity to stop in Jacksonville and get some food.

When I lived in Jacksonville one of the things that bothered me the most was the wide-spread lack of credit card acceptance in restaurants. And even those that did take plastic were right in line with just about every other store and restaurant in closing really, really early (sometime between nine and ten in the evening). I stopped at both McDonald's and Wendy's to be reminded that they do not accept anything but cash. Jacksonville sucks for this and many other reasons, but I always did enjoy the interesting dining experience provided by local restaurant chain Famous Amos. Not to be confused with the cookies of the same name, Famous Amos is a sit-down western themed "family" restaurant offering quite the variety of menu items, served 24-hours a day and payable with Visa and MasterCard. Famous Amos is really quite terrible, though. The place is bordering on dirty, the staff is unpleasant and inattentive while the clientèle make you want to donate your DNA to as many locals as possible to help stop the production of such incessant weirdos. If it were not for their Cheeseburger De Luxe with Bacon, served with French fries, I would never visit this horrible restaurant again.

Turns out my visit to Famous Amos, the first in just about a year, would provide no alternate perspective to my dining experience there. After seating myself as is the practice, I waited without being spoken to by anyone, including a manager who had been making the rounds, for just over ten minutes. Only after flagging down a waitress and asking her if the section was closed did I finally get a waitress to assist me. Barely. But damn it, as soon as a sunk my teeth into that burger I remembered why I put up with all of the above to eat there again and again. Including my fountain drink, the total for this meal is $6.47 so you cannot go wrong there. And you do not have to ever worry about leaving a lot of money as tip; it is not often warranted.

I realised while I was sitting in Famous Amos that it was two years to the exact date that I moved to Jacksonville. That was a little strange, however amusing. The other thing I remembered was that notwithstanding the hicks and rednecks, there are some really attractive boys in that town.

Now having detoured a total of two hours between my having left Orlando late, driving around credit-free town on the quest for food, spending way too much time at Famous Amos and having to negotiate the detour on Interstate-95 at the Interstate-295 junction (what a clusterfuck that was, let me tell you) I got back on the road, Tally Ho!

Having used to make the Orlando-Jacksonville-Tallahassee trips much more often, I have little regular things I tend to do during the drive. For example, as I continued west on Interstate-10 I made a pit stop at the rest area just inside the border of the Osceola National Forest. It was now around 2330 and there were only a few other normal, non-truck drivers at the stop. As I walked up the path toward the restroom, the smell of both the wooded area that surrounded completely and the chemicals used to clean the restrooms wafted toward me. I stopped and looked at the informational signs and maps talking about the location, indigenous wild and plant life and gave a history of the area. I completely had a flashback of being a child driving cross country (twice) with my family all by car. I loved travelling like that and had developed a pretty hearty desire to commute long distances by car whenever possible. My nostalgia really reminded me nicely of some of the simple things I really enjoy doing but as of late have let go by the wayside.

I continued west until I got to my next typical pit stop, Exit 225 (formerly 33), US 19 to get some fuel and a beverage for the final twenty minute stretch to Tallahassee. I always go to Brittany's Texaco Truck Stop (formerly Tank-N-Tummy) which has a gas station, convenience store and Arby's restaurant. I got gas and went inside to pay as they do not have a pay at the pump system there yet. Monticello, Florida is pretty remote so I can understand why not. While inside I saw a very overweight man in a muumuu, got pissed off at the indecisive woman in front of me in line who could not figure out what brand or how many packs of cigarettes she was going to purchase and was bothered by the strange man in line behind me who if were standing any closer might have actually started to share the same molecules as me.

I got back on the road, arrived in Tallahassee about two hours late and started my weekend of relaxation and mindless enjoyment with a tasty alcoholic beverage.

If you live in Orlando, Tampa or West Palm Beach, Florida and are a fan of Asian cuisine, you must visit Crazy Buffet. Billed as an "up-scale Asian fusion buffet," Crazy Buffet offers the convenience and variety of a do-it-your-self restaurant with the quality and ambiance of a mid-range sit down.

As you enter the carefully decorated and detailed interior, a stark contrast from the strip plaza it is housed within, the first and rather prominent fixture you will notice is the fresh sushi and sashimi bar. The sushi bar is worth the price of admission alone with its fifty or so varieties, freshly crafted by skilled sushi chef's right there behind the buffet line. Moving along you come across the made-to-order hibachi grill and wok. Past these items are rows upon row of fresh seafood, including peel and eat shrimp, shrimp cocktail, oysters, snow crab, mussels and scallops. Seafood not your thing? Name a meat or vegetable and this buffet will likely have it prepared in traditional Asian style. Oh, I almost forgot the eight soup selection, full salad bar, fresh fruit and vegetable station and desserts.

For me, the mark of a quality ethnic dining experience is two-fold. First, the clientèle eating at the establishment should be of racial variety, but I do expect to see "natives" dining as well: Chinese at a Chinese restaurant and so on. The second is very similar in that I want to see natives present, but in this case they should be members of the staff. At Crazy Buffet I was pleased to see a healthy variety of both. My logic on this issue is that if it is a true representation of an ethnic or cultural culinary art, then those who are supposedly represented should be there preparing, serving and consuming it as well. They should want to. A notable example of a restaurant to tries so very hard to establish this yet prospers mostly in part to the credulousness and trend wannabe nature of some is the atrocious P.F. Chang's China Bistro. I find that restaurant to be an abomination. But before I pull a Carson Kressley, let P.F. Chang's not steal the limelight away from a place who knows how to pull it all together.

In addition to everything else, Crazy Buffet offers a full liquor bar that you can feel free to eat at, both spacious and cosier dining rooms of varied size, catering, banquets and a live piano musician. The service was mostly unnecessary, but dirty plates were never lingering and my beverage always freshly refilled. Dinner is $17.95 per person and soft drinks are $1.79. It is really an incredible deal considering what is offered. The only thing I would say could use an overhaul at Crazy Buffet is their website. JPEG compression destroys images! Hello?!

Conclusion: Go eat there now!

Having not been in a while and finding myself in the mood I took off last night for the Labour Day Luau T-Dance at the Parliament House. The advert exclaims they expected this event to be the most popular since the Gay Days weekend and they were pretty accurate. It was packed. I enjoyed my share of $2.00 doubles whilst dancing with my friends and the hotties writhing about around us shirtless. Whoever was in charge of parking, however, dropped the ball.

In the primary lot there are only two or so paved roads. The remainder of the rows are simply dirt and grass and as people park, rows are formed. Well due to the negligence of the parking and security staff, when I decided I was ready to go I found my car was blocked in my and another row with no exit. I drove around to discover this the first time, then parked and walked around to make sure I had not missed the exit within the sea of cars. As I was walking back I encountered several more angry individuals who had wanted to leave but discovered as I had that we could not. A man with a mobile rang the management and he was assured that security was on the way to deal with the situation. We all chatted about just calling the police and having them tow the individuals.

Then a most unexpected thing happened. One of the guys who was stranded decided to check out the two sport utility vehicles that had parked in the spot where the exit should have and always has been. The vehicle to our right was securely locked and an automatic. But the other vehicle not only had a window opened, but was a manual transmission. The man reached in, unlocked the car and then stepped away as the alarm went off. With all of us watching, he decided to move the vehicle out of the way. He released the parking brake and gave the vehicle a push, moving it to the aisle. The rest of us scrambled to our respective vehicles and made use of the new exit. I would have loved to have seen the look on the face of the owner of that vehicle.

Oh and even though all of this, the security never did show up. Best overheard statement from trapped, pissed off customer: "That's what happens when straight people try to run a gay bar." Wow, I did not realise homosexuals were better organised with parking lots than straight people. Maybe it was a new marketing technique to get people to stay and spend more money.

Over the next few days I will be switching the primary domain name from mtsutro.org to mountsutro.org although both will continue to work (no need to change any bookmarks).