Why is it that the simplest and shortest questions are always the ones with the most complicated, or frequently, unknown answers? For example, refer back to sentence number one. After completing my second week of the new job, which may I add I am enjoying very much, I have had cause again to consider my uncertain future. You are going to work for the rest of your life in order to make money. It may as well be something you are passionate about and can enjoy completely. Like many others, that impassioned state is something missing from me. I hope that the new start I have taken will lead me down a path of discovery, because I am understanding more and more that it is my own failures and unrealised potential that are preventing me from finding the happiness I feel I deserve.
It is difficult process to reach a level of greatness. There are some that say I am continually too hard on myself, but it is not my belief that being lenient is the best proactive way to affect change. If I am to redirect my focus and energy toward the reassessment of my priorities and to the building of something I can be both happy with and proud of at the same time, it does not seem unreasonable to expect a certain degree of harshness.
I can freely admit to being jealous of those people who seem to be born knowing exactly who they are and what they want to do with the rest of their lives. However, that gift, if you call it one, is not without its own drawbacks. Some of those people are so intent on seeking out what they believe for so long is their true destiny that they fail to see when something better may come along. At least without a definite ending to the story, the person is allowed to proceed with an openness of mind and heart. Now I do not mean to completely contradict my earlier statements with this comment, but I do suppose I fall somewhere in between these two ideals. In one way, I fantasise about what it must be like to wake up every day knowing who and what you want to be; to have planned out every detail for the next ten years. And on the other hand, I know being flexible and open is one of the things I try to achieve daily.
So what is the next step? Damn, there is another one of those simple and short questions.
Postscript: After a pleasant evening out with some co-workers downtown, I arrived back at my car to find I had left my headlights on and my battery dead. My rescuer Chris attempted to jump me unsuccessfully. We went and bought a new battery, but that did not work either. I ended up getting home at 0200 via tow truck. I made an appointment for a mobile automotive electrician to come over today and look at it, but his other appointments went late and he will now have to come on Monday morning. I am presently a synonym for displeasure, which may be slightly obvious if you read everything before this postscript.