Mount Sutro: An Electronic Periodical

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Joe's B.S.

by Archived Article (2001–2014) Help
My step-father's barber shop was recently featured in the Orange County edition of the Orlando Sentinel. As they only keep articles on their website for a finite period of time, the text of the article is below.

Joe's B.S. is located at 979 West Fairbanks Avenue at the corner of Fairbanks and Adanson Street. The telephone number is 407.645.4551.


Flattop haircuts on watermelon heads test barbers' skills
By Jim Toner, Commentary
January 16, 2003 [ original article ] offline

As a teenager in the '50s, I once wore a hairstyle that was considered pretty stylish despite Elvis Presley's ducktails.

It was called the flattop.

And I was pretty particular about it, too. A flattop should be flat. Right?

Once, when I kept demanding that a barber take a little off one side, then the other for balance, he became exasperated.

"Look, kid," he explained. "It's not easy to give a watermelon head a flattop."

That's about when I started wearing my hair like James Dean. Most girls missed the connection, though.

But the sharp-tongued barber was apparently right about challenges posed by the flattop.

"Flattops are the most difficult to learn how to do," said Ross Nichelson, who runs an Orlando barbershop that has been in the family for almost a half-century. "If you make a mistake, you can't hide it."

While watermelon heads are easy to spot, another barber in Nichelson's shop, Judy Curtis, says there are perils when giving a flattop to an unfamiliar customer with a head full of hair.

You know, those people who, as Curtis puts it, "look like refugees from the '70s."

It's that little knob on the crown of the head. It's not so little on some people. When they get a flattop, that knob sticks out like Mount Rainier.

This is important, because the flattop is back. So are other short cuts. Nichelson says they account for 40 percent to 50 percent of his business. They ought to. There's a banner draped outside the shop, on Fairbanks Avenue, proclaiming "Flat Tops are our specialty."

The shop is called Joe's B.S., named after Nichelson's uncle, Joe Fallucca. No one is sure when Joe first opened his shop. They just know he moved it to the Fairbanks location just off Edgewater Drive in the '60s.

He had to move. When Edgewater was widened to four lanes, they took out his old building at Dowd Avenue.

Nichelson learned barbering and joined his uncle in 1985. His uncle died a year later but had pretty much turned over the business to him.

Nichelson said his uncle, a World War II veteran and former prisoner of war, had so many of his old buddies come in that he had to learn how to do a flattop fast.

He also added some touches to the shop. He always loved working with his hands. So he hung some vintage tools on the wall. Those wall displays grew as his customers contributed to the interior decoration.

Now, the place looks like a tool museum, with things like an old drill press operated by a hand crank. A large wooden mallet also hangs there for "quick" flattops.

The presence of those contributed tools almost gives his customers a piece of the place. Besides Nichelson and Curtis, Ruth Wells cuts hair at Joe's. Curtis and Wells have been there for years.

All give flattops. Some customers have their favorite barber; others just grab the first open chair. It is truly a neighborhood barbershop.

The B.S. in Joe's B.S. stands for barber shop, though there is a sign on the wall that reads:

"Cows may come and go but in this place bull goes on forever."



Jim Toner can be reached at jtoner@orlandosentinel.com or 407-772-8034. Copyright © 2003, Orlando Sentinel.
In May 2009, Ross was again featured in the news, which you can read in "The Barbering Program."

Elected Hypocrisy

by Archived Article (2001–2014) Help
I think most people here know my feelings as far as politics and war. So the following item really requires no further commentary by me, save stating that I hope if things get really bad, the powers that be have what alcoholics call "a moment of clarity" right before the atomic shockwave hits their smugness. Maybe then they will realise that they are pissing on the ideals upon which this country was founded in the search for a safer America and world, at the cost of non-American's, hell even now our own citizens' freedom, liberty and inalienable rights to exist how they choose, not how "we" picture they should be.

So now, near the anniversary of the Gulf War, on the heels of our other blunders around the world in the name of freedom and democracy and as we send more and more American troops into foreign lands where we are not invited, comes the following from the Commander In Chief.

Per the President of the United States of America, George W. Bush, a proclamation that 20 January 2003 be National Sanctity of Human Life Day. [ proclaimation ]

21 January 2003: "Ok, now that we have taken care of that, lets start World War III."

Bad Influence?

by Archived Article (2001–2014) Help
I never really considered myself a bad influence. Well, right now, one mother is probably thinking I am. Several weeks ago, Rick approached me with questions about piercings. He said he was thinking of getting his eyebrow done. I told him I would take him to my piercer Josh at Exotica Body Art Studio. After that, it was only mentioned here or there. I figured he decided not to do it.

Well, today was the day. We payed Josh a little visit and Rick got some metal installed. Of course, like I told him repeatedly, it did not hurt. He is very happy with his new discovery of body modification, although I think it might be a while before he delves into the Labret he talked about or some ink. We shall see.

Police Love Me, Part II

by Archived Article (2001–2014) Help
The headlight problem turned out to be a little more complex than I had anticipated. Whoever designed the engine compartment of the 1996 Honda Civic failed to take into consideration the installation and removal of the driver-side headlamp when placing large objects that do not remove easily directly behind it. This process of taking the power plug off, removing and replacing the lamp and plugging the power back in is quite a feat. Last time it took me two greasy hands, one bloody finger and about thirty to forty-five minutes.

I suspect that because the high beam of the bunk headlamp still works when asked to, that the wires connected to the low beam are simply not working. In any event, I have not been particularly looking forward to this project and therefore, like a good boy, have been putting it off.

Driving towards my destination, I peer in the rear-view and what do I see? Yes, more officers coming to get me.

Another bored Altamonte Springs city cop, he was not as nice as the others were. He looked rather young, too. Either way he must have been a rookie because he had to radio in my tag, driver's license and information rather than just use a laptop in his car connected to the FCIC/NCIC/DHSMV network.
Law Enforcement Officer: Good evening. May I have your driver's license and insurance.

Me: Sure. May I ask what this is about?

LEO: Yeah, your headlight's out.

Me: Yes, I know. I need to repair it.

LEO: Is your license suspended for any reason?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Ok, hold tight.
At this point, the LEO walks back to his car, sits on his hood (of his police-issued Chevrolet Impala ... mmm ... Impala) and radios in my information. He walks back to me, patiently sitting in my car waiting for him to wish me a good night. No, the third pullover could not possible be that easy!
LEO: Do you have any guns, drugs or weapons in the car?

Me: Uh, no.

LEO: Would you object to my searching your vehicle for illegal substances and items?

Me: Why, yes, actually I would object. I do not have anything illegal in this car. You would just be wasting both of our time.

LEO: *stares, somewhat shocked I refused*

Me: If I refuse, how does that affect this situation?

LEO: Well, it could be interpreted as coercion if I told you that, but since you seem pretty cool, I will tell you. If you consent to my search and I find nothing, you leave here and go on your way. If you do not consent to the search, I detain you, call the K9 unit out and they do a search of your car. Plus, as that search is taking place, I write you out a citation for the faulty equipment.

Me: You are an asshole! Fine, search the car.
I exit my car and stand where he tells me to stand. He gets ready to get inside and then stops to tell me this...
LEO: Let me explain something else, too. If you tell me right now that you have something in this car, you will get a notice to appear for a misdemeanour. That is all. If I find anything and you did not tell me about it, you are going to jail. Ok?

Me: *nods* Yup, sure.

LEO: Now, I know I am not going to find anything because you do not seem like the type.

Me: Well, fuck you buddy. Why the hell are you searching my fucking car then? *snicker*
He searches the seats, floor and centre console with his little flashlight while I stand by watching. More amused than pissed actually, but only slightly. He exits the car after a minute or two.
LEO: Well, if you had anything in there, which I believe you don't, I could not find it. Plus, my flashlight just died. So, here is your driver's license and stuff back.

Me: Ok, thanks. *roll eyes*
We chatted for another moment because I felt it necessary to feel like I was testing him. I admitted I was already familiar with his ability to search my vehicle regardless because he did indeed have probable cause to initiate the traffic stop. He was a little shocked when I started throwing his LEO terms right back at him. After that, he got a little nicer, but I was leaving anyway. I waved to him as I drove off. Pompous dick.

I am surprised he did not arrest me anyway for "suspicion of terrorism" and hold me without the benefit of due process, counsel or being formally charged. Oh, wait. That is a rant an entry for another day.

Sorry to disappoint you

by Archived Article (2001–2014) Help
I, like any other website manager or owner, checks from time to time the statistics that are automatically gathered about the site, including numbers of hits, referrers, most popular times of day, etc. Mine also list what search engine phrases or words people looked for to eventually get to my site.

In addition to the keywords and description of the site I have provided, search engines will automatically visit, scan and record words written on the site. Many personal site commentaries will occasionally include amusing such search terms, often relating to nothing on the site they visited.

Straight men and lesbians around the world must be getting awfully pissed off at me these days. Click Here to see what happens if you search for the phrase "Playboy™ Lingerie Calendar" at Google.com.

Search Results: Page One, Site Two.

And according to the statistics, there are many people who visit looking for that content. Ha!